Monday, January 09, 2006

Notice to all religious zealots:

Something happened this past weekend that really bothers me; because of a few thoughtless and judgmental comments by an anonymous religious zealot, a friend of mine was hurt (or maybe just pissed off).

I've never actually met The Queen of Spain but I consider her my friend. It was because of her that I first got into the whole blogging thing, it's strange how it happened when I think about it.

Being completely behind the times and not understanding what blogging was about I googled the word blog. That search took me to and from there, by clicking on her link (she had just posted and so her blog scrolled through on the recently updated list) I found a new friend.

I’ve since realized that I have friends and a support group that I've never met and may not ever meet, but I cherish their friendship nonetheless. These are amazing and strong women that challenge my notions of motherhood and humanity everyday. I am a better mother and a better person because of the things that I have learned from them, and I am constantly grateful for their insight and humor.

There will always be people in the world that have to point fingers and disparage the rest of us. They are cowards at heart, insecure in their own existence, and desperately vying for attention in any way that they can. They hide behind religion (pick one, it doesn't really matter which) and use it to "back-up" their assertions about our failings, failings that they perceive we have as mothers, as human beings. They rant about our sins and imply that we are bad people, or at the very least, damaged ones because we don't follow their idea of Him. I've heard them imply that because I'm a single parent I am somehow a sinner in need of God's forgiveness. I've listened and occasionally tried to fight back when they've made me and those that I love feel less than what we are by their hurtful and judgmental words.

But no more.

You see, I know better. I know that at the end of the day there is nothing that anyone can say to me that will make me believe that I'm not a good parent. I KNOW that leaving the violent and abusive relationship that I called my marriage was not only a good choice for my son and me, but the only choice I could make. It was the scariest thing I have ever done, and it took me almost seven years to recover my soul from that nightmare, but I did it. I can do anything to protect my child.

So comment if you want to, call me names and tell me that I'm going to hell and that I'm failing my son. Really, go ahead... it will just prove my point. From now on I vow to remember who I am and the kind of person that I am striving to be. I will not sink to your level. You don't exist to me and your opinions are worthless and without merit. You are pathetic and small and frankly, I feel sorry for you.

I have wonderful friends that are very devout in their beliefs, beliefs in your deity and in others. It is from them that I've learned that Spirituality and Religion are not synonyms and that at the end of the day, most of us are working toward the same thing. We all are trying to be the best people, the best parents that we know how to be. Most of us are able to do that without judging and hurting others, maybe someday you'll stop preaching and start listening and you'll be able to do that too.

I wish you luck, opening a small and closed mind is one of the most difficult things a person can do. I hope for your children’s sake that you're up to the challenge.


Blogger Queen of Spain said...

Here here! Great post...and its true, we have ALL found new friends.

ps I used Internet Explorer and can see your entire site. But a firefox browser won't show it. Weird.

11:42 AM  
Blogger Andria said...


Living in the "Bible Belt" has made me especially sensitive to that kind of crap.

I have no idea why firefox won't show it... course that isn't surprising, I'm pretty much a dunce when it comes to computer stuff.

I'm just glad you were able to read it at all.

12:29 PM  
Blogger Dubs said...

Ok I wanted to read your blog a couple times but did you know the screeen is working right? The dark part is whre the font is and I can't read it!!!!! Is it just me??? The light part only goes a couple inches down the screen and I can't read your full posts... :(..... help!

10:30 AM  
Anonymous allison said...

Just wanted to say, yes, we are devout. Meaning strong in our beliefs. Not meaning strong in our telling other people how to do it. I feel we are right, I would say I know I am, or I wouldn't live it...but that that is between us, and our God. Not to convince, or condemn, reject others for not being the "same". That's what's weird about faith. You can "know" you know. And someone else can "know" they know, and you may differ. So we feel, it's just not up to us to decide. That there is another who can handle that job, and has not asked us for help! And on religion and spirituality? Very different indeed!

5:01 PM  

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