Wednesday, April 26, 2006

I TOLD You There's a Reason Why!!

Taken from a recent conversation with my mother:

Last week after putting in a 16 hour day I decided to stop in and say hi to my mom. She was sitting in her bedroom with the lights off playing Mahjongg on the computer and listening to the BYU (church) channel on TV. I came and fell onto her bed and we started talking. At one point I looked up and noticed that the program that she was watching/listening to was discussing the growing, harvesting, packaging, and preserving of mushrooms. Yep. Mushrooms. I have no idea why anyone would find this interesting enough to dedicate an entire program to but what can I say...

So anyway, I innocently made the comment that she was watching probably the only channel on television that could air that particular program and not be in danger of being sanctioned or shut down. Only in Mormon Land would a program like this not be considered something strange (and I say that with all the love in the world... really!).

Mom turns around and says "Why? What's wrong with mushrooms?"

"Ummm... are you serious?" Keep in mind that my head is pounding and the two brain cells I have aren't currently speaking to each other.

"Yeah... why wouldn't I be?"

"Well you know, there is the whole mushrooms being used to get high thing... you know, Magic Mushrooms... similar to LSD... A lotta people would probably take issue with this show, they'd probably feel that those two things were somehow related, or something" I mumble with my head buried in my arms. I'm laying on my stomach trying like hell to keep the light from reaching my eyes.

"Andria, can I just say again how much I HATE it that you know things like that?!" she says while continuing to play her game.

I look up at her to try and tell if she's serious. "What do you mean? It was your generation that made that information common knowledge." It's not like this is job related info or anything!

"MY generation?!! So it's all MY fault? Like I had anything to do with drugs! And what do you mean by that anyway!?" She sputters getting increasingly upset (and loud). (Personally I think she's overly hostile because she knows that I know that there was a time that she smoked pot and basically partied her ass off.)

"Oh you know, there was that whole movement that began in the 60's with that musician... what's his name? You know the one, long beard, tie-dye, dancing bears... Oh come on, I can't think of his name right now but you must know who I'm talking about. Someone auctioned off the man's toilet seat here recently, for heavens sake!" I now have a sinking suspicion that this conversation is quickly going to make me wish I had just gone to bed. For whatever reason, maybe just in an attempt to convince myself that my mother has in fact lived on the same planet as the rest of us, I decide to stick with it a little longer. I now have a full fledged marching band playing in my head.

"Andria, I have no idea what you're talking about! Dancing bears and a toilet seat? What does any of this have to do with growing mushrooms?" She asks laughing.

"Oh hell. Come on mom, work with me here... what WAS that man's name?" I'm frantically wracking my brain at this point. "Garcia... Garcia something... Jerry Garcia! That's it! The Grateful Dead was led by Jerry Garcia back in the 60's and 70's and amassed such a cult following that you can still find bumper stickers with dancing bears and the word 'Shrooms' on them all over town. I think our next door neighbor's car has one on it. Surely you know what I'm talking about now, right?" I'm totally thrilled that I managed to remember the name and totally thinking at this point that she'll figure out what I'm talking about and laugh it off. WHEN will I ever learn??

"The Grateful Dead?! What kind of name is that anyway? I think it's offensive! No respect for all of those who died!" She says self righteously.

"!! Are you serious?!"

"Yeah. I am. I remember hearing the name of them back then but my friends and I were good girls. We never actually listened to music like that. We stuck with more wholesome activities. And besides, what does any of this have to do with mushrooms?"

*sigh* "Nothing mom. I'm sorry. I must have been confused. I woke up to a headache this morning. You know how I get sometimes. I think I'm gonna get in the bath and then head off to bed."

"Okay honey. I hope you feel better. Is there anything I can do?" She asks with genuine concern.

Laughing quietly I manage to respond "No... I'm good. You've done enough. Thanks."

Really, is it any wonder that I'm warped?
Bless her heart! Gotta love her!


Blogger Laurie said...

Magic 'shrooms... yeah, I remember those ;-)

Sounds like a surreal conversation w/mom, though!

4:59 AM  
Blogger Dubs said...

Ok. You had me laughing out loud LOL.

7:25 AM  
Blogger Belinda said...

Beautiful. My mom is the "straightest" woman you'd ever want to meet--has never so much as had a drink or uttered a foul word, truly. BUT, I guarantee you she knows enough about 'shrooms and The Dead to at least be conversational! I've always thought she was pretty cool.

And the image of playing computer mah-jong in a darkened room to the background lull of the BYU channel (I had ALWAYS wondered who watched that) is just...deelish.

8:45 PM  
Blogger Belinda said...

Oh, and I also love that you did that 100% Southern thing that is part of who we know, where you gently and obliquely criticize someone and then take away all the sting with "Bless her heart!" (usage note--this can also be done at the beginning of an anecdote, and erases any negative vibe before you start talking)

8:47 PM  
Blogger Dana said...

I love this entry! You're blog is awesome! I love the Grateful Dead only because my mother and father used to play their vinyls when I was a kid. But the funniest thing is my mom denies being a hippie Deadhead, too! And I found pictures to prove it and she said, "I was just acting. I didn't really smoke Mary Jane."

Ummm. Okay. How then, did she know it's called Mary Jane? ;P

2:53 PM  
Blogger Dubs said...

I'm still working on my site, but I've moved!! Find me, here. :)


5:51 AM  
Blogger Tater and Tot said...

I hope that for Mother's Day you bought your mom a bumper sticker and tye-dye Greadful Dead T-shirt. And a bong. Mom's are so funny!

*found you through the random site button for crazy/hip blog mamas. sorry I didn't call before I came - I know that's rude.*

4:52 PM  
Blogger Andria said...

I thought about the bumper sticker but frankly conversations with her on topics like those simply aren't worth it to my sanity.

Thanks for stopping by, always nice to meet a new friend!

4:38 PM  

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