Friday, June 09, 2006

Big Changes

It has begun...

To say that this last week has brought change would be an understatement. The drama in my life has come to a complete and total stop, the abruptness of it leaving me gasping but strangely sated.

In the last week conversations with Agent C have changed. Words that used to scare the hell out of me but that now seem to have lost their venom have begun surfacing in our conversations. Words like marriage and love and children. Words that I never thought I could bring myself to consider again but that now seem necessary to me in some way.

He has started the ball rolling and will be moving here in August. He has decided that a career change is in order, and in what I consider to be a very brave move has decided to return to school and study law. He will begin law school in the Fall. He wants a job that can guarantee his making it home every night... it seems he feels that there's incentive for that now.

He's right. Yesterday was my last day at my job. I finally got to the point where the cost of The Job far outweighed any benefits of it. So today, for the first time in literally four and a half years I actually have a full day off. I'm terrified that I'm flying without a net in a job market that is far from friendly, but when I turned over my badge yesterday the only feelings tha I could muster were that of relief and joy. It's because of that that I know I made the right decision.

Like I said... big changes.

For the first time in so long that I can't even remember, I'm excited about the future. Excited to see what happens next... it's been a long time coming.

Thursday, June 01, 2006

Another Day

Good grief! I feel like I'm in the middle of my first crush. I've been walking around grinning like a damn idiot all day. Let me tell ya, that may sound cute but it's definitely an occupational hazard for me!


Agent C called last night, he was able to get a line out for about an hour and a half. I swear, we talked about everything! Constitutional law, veterans affairs, love, trust, family, the war, our jobs (well, the parts that we could talk about anyway), you name it, we talked about it. It was the fastest and most enjoyable hour and a half I've ever spent on the phone with anyone. How does he do that? How is it possible that this man that's literally thousands of miles away can make me smile like a giddy school girl?

Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining, it's just so atypical for me, that's all.

And then low and behold, we were actually able to get online at the same time tonight and wound up talking through an IM program for four and a half hours! I had no idea so much time had passed! Crazy!

There must be a way to get both of us in the city to figure this thing out. There just must be. Or hell, at least the same country! I think fate has a cruel sense of humor sometimes.

Still though, I don't know where this is going to take me, but I'm trying to take the advise of a very wise woman (you know who you are) and just enjoy the ride and not over think things.

Yeah, easier said than done!