Tuesday, May 30, 2006


So it would seem that my life has taken on an odd Springer like quality to it lately. I, the one person that has tried to stay away from drama is now knee deep in it.

It seems that TV guy is putting two and two together and now suspects that there may be more than meets the eye with Agent C and I. While I haven't told him about the closeness that Agent C and I share, I have made it clear that he and I have been communicating frequently for some time now. I figured that I owed him that much. The bigger part of me still feels that it really isn't any of his business who I see or how I feel. He and I are friends, but as Agent C so succinctly put it, "the minute he started sleeping with someone else he gave up all rights to you. He may have changed his mind about how he feels, but that doesn't obligate the rest of us to go along with that." I think he's right. I care about TV guy and I would never intentionally hurt him but that doesn't mean that he still has the right to dictate what I do or how I feel. Not that he ever really did anyway.

So, keep your eyes out when you’re watching Springer. It's heading in that direction. I just wish I knew what to do. I don't want to talk to TV guy about how I feel until Agent C and I have a chance to figure that out for ourselves, but I don't want to ruin what friendship they still maintain. Albeit a loose one.

Sigh. Drama.


Friday, May 26, 2006

Well... Shit!

It has been an interesting week. It would take way to long to explain everything that has happened, and frankly it probably wouldn't be all that interesting to anyone but me, so I'll just summarize.

An emotional event occurred that threw Agent C and I into a place that caused us to evaluate what we are to each other. He and I haven't been able to see each other for about a year and a half though we have exchanged daily emails that are typically three to five pages in length. We talk on the phone about once every three months and I think the shortest conversation we've ever had was about five hours. He, more than anyone else in my life was there for me during that horrible year of dad's life. I honestly just don't know what I would've done without him.

I tell you all of this only to illustrate that while we have not had physical contact we have remained very, very close. I have known that he holds a special place in my heart, but to be honest, until this past week I had not allowed myself to consider that it could ever be more.

He is still working out of the country at the moment, and while he has expressed a willingness to request a transfer to wherever I wind up moving, because I haven't determined what is happening with my job we have both been up in the air. To be honest, because that, it up until now has been a situation that was more of a wait and see what happens than anything else. I haven't really thought too much about what would happen should we ever get to the same place at the same time.

Anyway, the events of this past week have forced me to face how I feel about him and what he means to me. He and I have talked about it and neither of us are particularity happy about how important we have become to each other, neither of us really want the complication of a relationship right now, and neither of us really know what to do about it. How pathetic is that? Our jobs makes having a relationship a complication, not a bonus. And while I know that our careers are not as important as our personal lives, they are important.

The thing of it is, I've realized that I care more about him than I have ever cared about anyone in my life. I can't imagine my life without him in it and I don't want to. I can't believe that I can feel so strongly for him without having been able to spend regular time with him. I believe that I may have fallen in love with him when I wasn't paying attention and I want to know how in the hell that's possible.

Is it possible? When we did see each other regularly we were both in relationship with other people. How important is it to have that kind of contact?

We have agreed that the most important thing right now is that we figure out how to at least get in the same country and then focus on the same city. From there we'll take it as it comes.

This is really freaking me out. I am not happy about this. At all.

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Hurricane Awareness

Hurricane season officially begins on June 1st. It's hard to believe that it's almost time to do it all over again! I have numerous friends that are still trying to rebuild from the last season.

One of those friends sent this to me last year, in classic gallows humor, as one of the many hurricanes that struck during the 2005 season was heading for her home. It made me laugh, I hope it does the same for you.

Important information about hurricane season:

We're about to enter the peak of the hurricane season. Any day now, you're going to turn on the TV and see a weather person pointing to some radar blob out in the Gulf of Mexico and making two basic meteorological hints:

1. There is no need to panic.
2. We could all be killed.

Yes, hurricane season is an exciting time to be in Alabama/Florida.

If you're new to the area, you're probably wondering what you need to do to prepare for the possibility that we'll bet hit by "the big one". Based on our experiences, we recommend that you follow this simple three-step hurricane preparedness plan:

Step 1. Buy enough food and bottled water to last your family for at least three days.
Step 2. Put these supplies into your car.
Step 3. Drive to Ohio and remain there until Halloween.

Unfortunately, statistics show that most people will not follow this sensible plan. Most people will foolishly stay here in Alabama/Florida.

We'll start with one of the most important hurricane preparedness items:

HOMEOWNERS INSURANCE: If you own a home, you must have hurricane insurance. Fortunately, this insurance is cheap and easy to get, as long as your home meets two basic requirements:

1. It is reasonably well-built; and
2. It is located in Ohio.

Unfortunately, if your home is located in Alabama or Florida, or any other area that might actually be hit by a hurricane, most insurance companies would prefer not to sell you hurricane insurance, because then they might be required to pay YOU money, and that is certainly not why an insurance company, which will charge you an annual premium roughly equal to the replacement value of your house, is in business. At any moment, this company may drop you like used dental floss.

EVACUATION ROUTE: If you live in a low-lying area, you should have an evacuation route planned out. (To determine whether you live in a low-lying area, look at your driver's license; if it says "Alabama" or "Florida", you live in a low-lying area.)

HURRICANE SUPPLIES: If you don't evacuate, you will need a mess of supplies. Do not buy them now! Alabama and Florida tradition requires that you wait until the last possible minute, then go to the supermarket and get into vicious fights with strangers over who gets the last can of SPAM. In addition to food and water, you will need the following supplies:

  • 23 flashlights.
  • At least $167 worth of batteries that, when the power goes off, turn out to be the wrong size for the flashlights.
  • Bleach. (No, I don't know what the bleach is for. NOBODY knows what the bleach is for, but it's traditional, so GET some.
  • A 55 gallon drum of underarm deodorant.
  • A big knife that you can strap to your leg. (This will be useless in a hurricane, but it looks cool.)
  • A large quantity of raw chicken, to placate the alligators. (Ask anybody who went through a hurricane-----after the hurricane, there WILL BE irate alligators.)
  • $35,000 in cash or diamonds so that, after the hurricane passes, you can buy a generator from a man with no discernible teeth.

    Of course, these are just basic precautions. As the hurricane draws near, it is vitally important that you keep abreast of the situation by turning on your television and watching TV reporters in rain slickers stand right next to the ocean and tell you over and over how vitally important it is for everybody to stay away from the ocean.

    Good luck, and remember....it's great living in Paradise.

Friday, May 19, 2006

Always Remember

It's been more of the same in the neighborhood lately. Summer has arrived and with it brought flowers, family, and memories. Some good, some bittersweet. It's hard to believe that we lost dad 9 months ago, it's even harder to believe that in a lot of ways the pain of that loss is stronger now than it was right after his death. I guess it's because it takes a while to sink in that it really is over. I am so grateful for the love and support of my friends, many are in tune enough to realize that while I rarely bring it up it still hurts. I still wake up thinking about him, I still wonder at the strength and the courage that he displayed in the final years of his life. I am healing, but it takes time.

While I appreciate the prayers and well wishes from everyone, I know that right now there are at least two other families that need them much more than I. They are still living their hell, one still hoping for the best and praying to beat the odds, the other one reeling from a devastating loss. Stop by and wish them well, say a prayer for their families or light a candle in their honor. When you're done, go and find those that are nearest to your heart and tell them you love them.

It can all go away so quickly.

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Still Alive

Well, it's been an interesting two weeks.

Work has been hellish to the point where I have decided to amp up my search for something new. The position that I've been offered from the agency might not be ready for me to start for another year, that's what I'm being told right now anyway. Could be tomorrow, could be next year. Ugh.

TV guy totally made my night last week when he called me around 11 pm and told me to go outside. I was pissy about it because I had just gotten into bed (for the first time before 2 am in over a month) and really didn't feel like getting up to get dressed again. I'm glad I did though because he had picked up a bottle of my favorite wine. He knows I have strict rules regarding drinking and driving and also against drinking within a certain amount of time prior to working and had everything worked out. It was really nice. I got to bed around 2 am again but got the best 4 hours of sleep that I've had in a long, long time. It's good to have friends that know you better than you know yourself.

The following weekend our town had an arts festival that is always a lot of fun to go to. Even more so this year because The Brain had a picture featured in the kids section. He was thrilled! It was nice to have a little down time.

We just keep truckin' along for now. The Brain gets out of school in a few weeks and we're finalizing plans for a vacation over the 4th of July. Hopefully I'll have a different job by then and a vacation will actually be an option. I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

For now though I think I'll leave you with a picture of the cutest kid on the planet (besides my son of course). This is my nephew Talan, isn't he a doll?